The Kehr's story

Rapuh

2008-02-25T23:55:00.002+01:00

Kularut luruh dalam keheningan hatimu
Jatuh bersama derasnya tetes airmata
Kau benamkan wajahmu yang berteduhkan duka
Melagukan kepedihan di dalam jiwamu

Tak pernah terpikirkan olehku
Untuk tinggalkan engkau seperti ini
Tak terbayangkan jikaku beranjak pergi
Betapa hancur dan harunya hidupmu

Sebenarnya ku tak ingin berada disini
Di tempat jauh yang sepi memisahkan kita
Kuberharap semuanya pasti akan berbeda
Meski tak mungkin menumbuhkan jiwa itu lagi

Aku tak mengerti apa yang mungkin terjadi
Sepenuh hatiku aku tak mengerti

听了这首我最爱的马来歌曲。有点悲伤。

几年前，我曾经爱过一位马来女生。可是我们都知道，这是不会有结果的爱情。

如今，她要嫁人了。献上我的祝福。

而我，还在老远地继续听这首歌...

救命

2007-12-13T21:14:00.000+01:00

我开始怀疑，我到底是选对了还是错了。

我知道，我变笨了，我变得有点迟钝。是的，德国教育系统把我搞垮了。

而且近来一直多病在身。是时候寻找回我自己。

四年前的我，和现在的我差很多。以前那豪放，浪漫主义及不顾一切为一个女人牺牲的我，他去了哪儿？为什么我变得“不能再爱”一个人。我不想成熟，它已经把我搞得我不像我。

那个曾经会爱的我，他还在吗？

我的无道德那一面，我很想念他。我要解放我自己。我要复古！

Mechanics

2007-02-17T21:57:00.000+01:00

"What are you doing now Wu?"

"Ah, Kehr my boy, well I just wrote down my formulation of mechanics."

"Sorry sir, I ...."

"Oh sorry, well mechanics is the branch of physics, where we deal with the motion, and of course the cause of the movement. Well I am trying to reformulate the whole mechanics' principle. This is in fact something revolutionary, and ha, I think it is also ahead of my contemporary."

"Well can you show me? I will try to understand it.."

"Well you see, the old fashion way of seeing the nature of motion is limited, everything is governed by the force equation. F=ma. Mass times acceleration. Simple and elegant, it was, but until when you have lots of system to be considered. Like for instance, we would like to take three candy and throw them around, and see how they react."

"Candies can react among each other?"

"Well sort of bad example is it not? Ha, well remember this, a new way of looking into difficult question, the least action principle. It makes everything look easy. All you need is the kinetic energy minus the potential energy of the body that you want to observe. Voila, the equation of motion comes from a simple derivative."

"I think I am lost, but yes I do believe if we have the least action principle, we should get something simple in nature, is it not? Like the fastest way to go along the street is "to move along it", straight and no deviation."

"Brilliant, as simple as that, but do remember, the simple geometry that you believe as intuition is sometimes not correct. A plane is not a plane anymore when we view from "outside", right?"

"Like looking at a piece of paper from our eyes?"

"Ha Ha, indeed. Fold the paper and you have the zero distance."

Good Night

2007-02-17T21:12:00.000+01:00

"Sometimes, love is so strange, ain't?"

"Maybe it is useless to capture this feeling. I mean it is not permanent, you know? How can a man certain of self? For present is just an illusion. All love would means the past, or the death? Something that only exist in one's mind?"

"Interesting, tell me more."

"Just like a chocolate, you hold it, it melts, you eat it, it just last a few seconds in mouth. It is just a temporary excitement that pleases your lonely soul. And you can't reproduce the same chocolate anymore. But we do love chocolate, don't we?"

"Yes indeed... Thanks Jen, it really means a lot to me."

It might be short, it might be fruitless, but I will try everyday, that I will love her more and more. Maybe the chocolate tastes different, but to me, it is always unique.

I strolled across the bridge. Ah the lovely music, played by the local street artist, I gathered around them, just want to let my mind rest for a few second. Run, you are free now. Let me be a mindless man, for a while.

Good night, Kehr.

Happy Birthday Mone

2007-01-28T22:29:00.000+01:00

Finally, days and nights, working, serving and being yelled from this and that. I had enough money to buy a pearl necklace for Mone. Besides, the Merchant from Meer had already set up their stall in the market. Need to wake up tomorrow morning early to choose a good one, which I hope has a sapphire glowing ornament in the middle, since blue is Mone's favourite.

Arrived at the stall, seems I still have lots of selection. Oh just found one, perfect shape, with the symbol of Chalek, true love. And most important, sapphire blue! The cost is dearly, swooping up all my entire salary, tips inclusive. But for Mone's smile, priceless. Meer's product is unique, there is no substitute for their craftsmanship, as every necklace, ring and charm is uniquely symbolizing something. Arts with soul, so to speak.

As I walked home, something ridiculous happened. Roadblock from the local police has piled up and as the local fucking rule, I have to pay my way to access to our living community, and there are no alternatives, of course I can crawl up the wall and jump from house to house. Bad Idea, as I am not a trained assassins. Sometimes I noticed why our area is getting more and more ghetto-like, it would seems, when they want to purge us, the lowest and the poorest class, they can easily set fire and block the whole entrance, forcing us to board the ship to escape or jump to the sea, killing us or deporting us. I had nightmares on such a horrible scene, and I prayed it will not happen. As I already spent all my money on the necklace and there is no way I could chunk out more gold for the corrupted bastard.

" Sir, I live here and I have to get home early, could you let me pass? Please?"

"Lad, yea know d' rule, pay up and yea may pass."

We started quarreling due to his hot tempered attitude and by all sudden I received a knuckle blow on my face, fell on the ground immediately. Bad thing happened, but why today? The necklace fell from my pocket, and of course the shining glimpse caught instantaneously the eyes of that bastard.

"Beautiful one, I'll take it, and fuck yea'self off before I hit yea again."

"Give it to me, that is not mine, it belongs to a good friend of mine, please... I beg you.."

"Well looks like we hav' another punching job to do, fist up, boys."

"You can punch me but please return the necklace to me, please..." I remembered my eyes were wet.

In the end I ended up being a practice punch bag for those bastards, I could not remember how many blows that I have to endure just to tired their fist, but I guess they did not enjoyed kicking and hitting a wooden me, I did not scream, all the pain that I suffered was that I don't have gift for Mone today, an important day.

As I entered her house, it was quite late and everyone has gone home. She was there, cleaning the dishes alone.

"Mone..."

"Where have you been? We were waiting for you.....oh Lord, what happened to you? Your face...you are bleeding.... wait I will go get some medicament."

"I was blocked by the police, and I had nothing to buy my way inside, so they hit me... it is nothing really, just some bruises. Will get better in a couple of days."

"Just wait for me, I will go get...."

"Listen.... I did not managed to get you anything but.... just want to wish you happy birthday. Never mind about the medicament, Mr.Lowe has of course some for disposable... Night Mone"

I love you. My heart said.

I remembered the night was cold, very windy. I don't need the wind as a comfort. As far as I concerned, I just want to get the necklace back, funny, which exactly took me seven years.

Someone Moving In

2007-01-28T21:57:00.000+01:00

A new family moved into our neighborhood two days ago, surprisingly opening along a new confectionery just opposite my house.

I went by the shop, try to take a glimpse on the delicacies inside. To my surprise I was spotted by the owner, Wu and his wife Jen, I was invited to taste some sweets and cakes, albeit that money is not something I had.

Inside is amazing, like a house made from candy. Apparently they just moved in, from the neighboring Dai. Jen is passionate in sharing her recipe with me, despite that I lack of cooking talent. Wu looks thirty some, with a wise look on the face and an aristocratic manner. It is nice to talk to him, although I had no idea on what is he explaining about. The planetary system? The origin of man and wolves? The Plane in our world? Interesting, I never doubted his knowledge though.

" So are you a scholar? You seems to know a lot of thing besides chocolate." I joked.

" In fact..... I was, sometime ago... A very long story. Let just say that the authority did not like someone like me running around in their country. "

So they were exiled. But why? How could a country deport someone as intelligent like Wu to our crappy land. Sometimes I wondered, one's fascinating point of view might angered the man above. Seems like people prefer praise than critique, blinded with the need to oil their ears, rather than a rough jiggling near. If you don't want to listen something good, just cut the ear right?

Anyway, the carrot cheese cake made by Jen is amazing, with thick layer of cheese yet not fatty.
Since then, I visited their shop every weekend. A piece of carrot cheese is a wonderful end for the stress working day. Chatting with Wu about the scientific stuff is just wonderful, makes me want to trap the nature in their pure reasoning framework.

Thank you Jen and Wu, for bringing the best piece of life to me.

A Beautiful Day

2006-12-29T14:15:00.000+01:00

A Beautiful Day

Being in a tropical country, we have no experience of cold and hot, but rather, just warm. I woke up in the morning, look outside the window, see the meadow gold, the sun reflects the light on the grassy field. And just on the far side, How beautiful to see two suns lining against each other. Just look at the horizon, it is endless, nobody knows what lies beyond it. So amazing, wish could see the whole land of Lord.

Went out to take my breakfast in a local stall, just near the market. Ah the dusk and the whispering wind, they match perfectly. I sat down on the chair, old wooden chair, ordered my favorites coconut rice, oh yes, they taste very good, just the aroma could tempt your hunger. The hawker, Mr. and Mrs. Fan, a very loving couple, have been preparing the most delicious coconut rice for almost twenty years now. They seems happy in serving the customers, yes they are happy, maybe because when you work together with your loves one, can't feel any loneliness. A nice place to enjoy the wonderful morning,so called the Second-street stall.

I left for the excursion, just want to spend a good day. Yes a good day. Mone, Yang, Faiz, Linn and I up the hill, the Jrai hill. Legend said the hill was formed when the widow of Jrai weep for her son's death. The tears were so strong, until it eroded parts of the land, thus came the Jrai hill. Up its waist, looking down at the scenery, amazing paddy field, each grid is perfectly divided. Beyond that, Mount of Dai, a big mountain across the border of Bodoh and Dai. Ever since the close policy introduced by the Bodoh parliament, we are not allowed to travel aboard anymore. Well let us not spoil the fun of the day, the day was meant to be beautiful.

We set up the camps, collected the firewood for the night. Oh yes, the view is so perfect, just like painted in one of the royal family. Those artist, how they could brushed and stroked the plain paper into something colourful, vivid, and class. Mone was lively, playful and young, we all were young. I just wish I am the artist, painting this sweet memory into my mind, never fade away. Yang is my best buddy since I am here, a respected person, passionate, brotherhood is his principle. Like my true brother. He is the one who organized such a wonderful trip for the day. Faiz, the gentle big fellow, shy as always, but a true friend, a great buddy to have. Linn on the other hand, was a open-minded person, speaks out and never hide her feeling. Not many people like her due to his unorthodox manner, but we are good friends to her, because she has no mask beneath. I knew them since I was drifted to this country. Among us, only Yang and I are none native. But I guess in those age, we are no different, just pure, just friends, just love.

The dawn, the time everyone waits for. Golden sunset, the sun touching the tip of the world again. We set up a small fire, We watch across the sea, looking at the Mount of Dai, between the cliff, a mystery upon us, shaded by fog, never seen with our bare eyes, how the place looks like. Just cliff, with statues stone carved along it. Masterpiece of sculpture, full with legend of Deva. How the deities formed the world as we known.

Mone, looked a bit tired, suddenly her head on my shoulder, How romantic it is. And I am the idiot one who did nothing. I just hold my breath, never moved, just still, so that she would not wake up from my sweet dream. At that time, I just forget all the problem we have here, no more hatred from the people. Just love, something sweet for the day, a beautiful day.

Esa's Sermon

2006-12-22T23:23:00.000+01:00

Esa's Sermon

Son of Lord, am I or not.

Rise from death, return it not.

Thou shall touch me not.

Excuse the rudeness, for I man not.

Ah Marie, kiss me not.

For I a breadwiner not.

Why I still leave thee not.

Temptation, I have lot.

For all but one,

I resist not.

Recalled but which one,

The truth, unknot.

Summit to the one,

I love, dare not.

Time passed second one,

Regret, I have not.

For thee, Father of one,

I resist and lie not.

So I tell her,

Love me not, My love.

Meet César

2006-12-11T19:31:00.000+01:00

Meet César

“ So how was your day?” asked Mr. Lowe.

“ Not that smooth sir, but I hope you had a pleasant day yourself.” I answered.

My wound was not that serious actually, as I can still hide from his observation. Looking at him, I smiled. Mr Lowe, how should I describe him? Well he was my savior, without him, I would have been long gone. He was a fisherman and sometimes worked in the field. His age is about middle fifty, together with Mrs. Lowe he spent his time usually in the house, preferred to repair his fishing net and be productive to the family. According to his wife, Mr. Lowe suffered a depressive blow after the death of his son, Iyam. I did not dare to ask the reason. I guess I was sort of a newborn son for him. They seems to preferred my accompany rather than living alone. All the while I just thought of living this place, but how would I dare to leave those two alone. Mr. and Mrs. Lowe are the people I really cared in Bodoh Kingdom.

“ Those stupid government and the sleeping king of ya. What the fuck are they suppose to think and plan to bring this fucking riot to the end. Ya know people are living is shit life here. Firs't they want to raise the tax, then the head tax, then they want us to supply them my fish for free. Go to hell with your mother's obligation! Charged me'e for treason and take my head ya fool!”

He was shouting and cursing when reading the latest law released. I do not know much of the law, but it seems like life is getting harder here. The parliament is corrupting the wealth of nation. King is living high with his concubine, threw party every evening and from what I heard, he tried to build the Moon Tower in the hearts of Bodoh Kingdom, so that his beloved mistress could go to the moon. They already built it to the height of two mountains. As I walked out and looked towards the sky, i saw the stone tower touching the heaven. The view was so beautiful there. Commoners like us are restricted in entering the area. Mone has been dreaming for going up the tower one day just to enjoy the eternal moon light in her eyes. I joked to her once, be the king's new wife then, which later she would be so angry with me. Oh yes, she is very serious in relationship. Ever since I met her, I have never seen her went out with men. Toying with love is not appreciated by god, she said. She just wanted someone who can give her a safe haven.... Oh I have to work hard then.

Yes I worked very hard everyday. Starve to death, I just do not care, all I want is to save some gold and buy her somethings in this coming Day of Heaven, just a tradition where all people exchange gifts and hugs for their love one. For this reason, I have to work hard just to buy a new necklace for her. Some new stocks arrived soon in the market, usually pearl necklace from Meer-city, cost around twenty golds. Gonna snatch it before too late, everyone is waiting for the merchant from Meer.

A group of schoolchildren passed by. Arr.. I always admired them for their talent and opportunity to learn something that I cannot comprehend everyday. Last time they showed me what they have done in their paper roll, all those symbols, just fascinating. And they showed me the “operator” on how to operate “numbers”. Wow seriously if I am capable to pay the fees, I am willing to learn it, no matter how hard it is. Kaysing even told me that the time taken for a stone to reach the ground is the same as a feather. I never believed in her though. Just a kid, what did she know about the nature.

The next morning Mr. Lowe and I went out to catch the early fish, since we need to do free labor for the king and have to feed ourselves. We arrived at the sea, anchored the boat and threw the net as hard, as far as possible. Day was still behind night, it was still dark. “Thump” a sound crash to our boat and suddenly creatures of six-feet tall dragged us up to their ship. Pirates! It is a big problem this time. We were tied and brought to the deck. The captain appeared out of his chamber.

“ Greetings gentlemen, no harm and offense to you I hope. Just looking for fortune ya mate. Hundred golds and let you go.” The captain talked with a typical sea-accent, dry sound, irritating and old.

“ Sir, we are just some poor fishermen looking for fish here, we have no golds for you sir. Please let us go. I beg your mercy.” Mr. Lowe begged him. What else could we do?

“ No gold? Oh well.... I guess the sharks are hungry now. Sorry.” Sword drawn.

I prayed and did not say a word.

“ Such a pathetic loser, captain.” a sound appeared out of thin air.

“ Tell you what, I will fight you off, one time. I win, you let go of them. You win, you do what you want.” He continued.

I looked at the direction of the sound. A guy, possibly eighteen years old, was sitting near the barrel, he was tied with rope too. Surprised by his action, yes I was. What was he thinking?

“ So, César, having your good days with the rain and wind I hope. All right, since you never taste my sword. You shall this time. Cause I am sick of your attitude, and I am sick of waiting for your messenger anymore. Untied him, let us see how I slice his parrot tongue.”

Both of them were ready, after this César was released. Sword drawn and both fight with their strength, speed and stamina. The captain looked a bit advantage with his light swinging long sword. On the other hand César is the younger person here. He swings very short, but quick enough to fence off the attack of the captain. Captain used his upper body strength just to force the sword to slash harder. But he was wrong with his tactics this time. Stone might falls faster but the arm suffered, I am sure Kaysing never learned that is school. César turned around and cursed! His rusty sword was placed near the captain's throat. One touch finish, very elegant skills.

“ Now captain, we have a deal.”

We were promised to be released as soon as we sail near the coast. César was tied again, he sat there and looked at the ocean. I went to him, just wanted to thank him.

“ Thank you for saving us, sir. My name is Kehr and he is Mr. Lowe, we are from Bodoh Kingdom. I just wanted to thank you again.”

“ The name's César, you are welcomed friend. Now dont call me sir again. Well I just have to sit here and wait for my man to come here and pay the ransom.”

“ Why? why would not just fight off the captain? With your skill, he is no match to you.”

“ I kept my promise to the captain, when he stormed our ship. We have a deal, he released all the passengers in the ship, I will be his hostage till my man come with the ransom.”

For such a high esteem of dignity and promise. He is the first that I met in my life. Fear is not in his eyes. It never exist in his mind. We were released once the ship sailed near the Bodoh Kingdom end coast. Of course we need to swim our way back to land. But I know, I will meet him again.

“ Remember the name, César” The last words he told me.

Mone

2006-12-08T23:23:00.000+01:00

Mone

So I suppose to tell you my side of the story, well I believe people just love to listen to what they like, well you may not like my story, but you will see, it is just strange, just I do not think it will happen to anyone. Why me? I have no idea, maybe it is just the fate or due to the force of Mover? I do not know. How do I start up with the story? Oh yes, I should tell you what happen after the capsize. So..

After being saved by the locals, I am glad that I am still alive, now for better or worse, I just let my ego argue about it. Things are different here, well I lost all my memories. All my a priori knowledge? Gone. My identity? No idea. Anything I remember? Nothing. Three years have gone and no improvement or what so ever for my condition. I wanted to leave this place, because I cannot live here anymore. Everyday the Bodoh people are protesting against the minority, well thanks to their radical leader Hator. Foreign schools were shut down recently, life is getting harsh for the foreigner, or at least the one who has different ideology from them. You see, Bodoh people are completely scared by the past. From what I heard, The whole continent of Donanya conquered by Roho from the northwest. One hundred years of war with all the bloodshed, revolution, and casualty had spearheaded the typical locals to generate anxiety when they see other different from them in sight. Although the foreign trader like Molo, Biso helped the locals to win the Hundred-year-war from Roho, their contribution was quickly ignored when they try to fade away from the interference of politics in land. Later they were forced to change all their names into the local manner. Misunderstanding and conflicts, they appeared very often in that period. I was, unfortunately, never seems to resemblance any of the typical look that they are used to. So expect to get some uncomfortable treatment from them. But still I need money to feed myself. I used to work here. after all the nuisance for finding a simple job. Living just opposite of her house, we walked together along the never ending street after work, well I hoped that it would never ends. She and I were waiter and waitress in a local tavern, just like few blocks away from our area.

I still remember, how I stood up for her once. Well it was a brave decision, having consider myself as different here, I never had the gut to confront anyone, or even point out the difference of mind. Yes I was small, how small I was that time. A patron was drunk and he utterly demolished the restaurant, I was cleaning the mess, while she tried to calm him down. It did not work as exactly as we thought. He tried to offend her, with the hands up and down along the curve of Eve. That time, I stood up. Only the above One knew what boosted me the courage to that, maybe I cannot stand the absurdism and class difference among the people? Or maybe my feeling towards her? I suffered some knuckles and hard blow from that bastard! But I never cried a single word. I never felt the pain, the only soar I had in my heart is seeing her begging him to let me go. I just endured. In enduring, I am stronger, I always believe. Luckily some patrons managed to pull that moron away from us. She came to me, gave me her comfort, well, her smile already cured half of the pain. Physical abuse, I did not feel, as I was used to it. How many times I could safely return home without being jeered by the locals, with their racist words and inhuman coldness. It would seems like a war is happening, and I am so unlucky to be in the minority side. I wanted to depart from here. If not because of her, I already left. Well how many times she gave me peace in my heart. Everyone needs a safe haven, it could be a collection of exotics, a picture, or a place. For me, it is Mone.

“ Feeling better? ”

“ Just some bruises, nothing serious.”

“ Mone should have just keep quiet.... Maybe he would let go?”

“ I would have confront him anyway, a man is not a man, if he doesn't treat a woman with respect.”

“ In this place, you could never expect respect from them.”

“ Leave with me then, we could go somewhere else, where people live in harmony, treat each other as equal as they are. The greatest civilization is just beyond us. I know it exist somewhere.”

“ You have a beautiful dream, you know? But as far as Mone knows, you have to travel southeast, along the coast until you meet someone, who can speak more than four languages. We always thought it was a legend though, people will never survive the blow of wind...Even if they did, legend says one has to pass through the Desert of Hopeless to gain the access to that Kingdom.”

“ Interesting, where do you heard all this? Come on, tell me more, at least I can have hope, helps to relive my pain ya.”

“ From a customer in O'town. Mone thinks he is just joking, or just wanted to get Mone's attention. He claimed himself as a Centauriwalker, traveling around the Centauri for so long, he has been to.... If Mone remembers correctly, Monosia, Sun kingdom, Edge of World, San-Shang state, Searah Island and the Southeast. Mone never heard of these names before.”

“ Do you know how can I get to those place?”

“ Mone didn't ask him about that. Do you still really want to leave this place?”

“ Well if not for a reason, I already left.”

“ And what would be that? If Mone may ask.”

“ Well let just say it is a secret of mine.” I said, and of course I was afraid that she knew she would be the reason. I just do not want her to feel bad that I end up here rotting the days of my life just to look at her everyday. I just want to look at her everyday. My safe haven stood in front of me, with her naive look coupled with heart of Deva. If only I could tell her...

“ Let us go home then.” I looked at her and smiled.

I felt close to Mone all the time, partly because she was the person that took care of me most, from the time I was dragged to the shore like a piece of wood. Her neighbors, Mr and Mrs Lowe found and took me to their house, Mone took care of me till I recovered. Well it was a reborn for me, and she would be my mother.

He is Alive!

2006-12-08T23:18:00.000+01:00

He is Alive!

The ship was sunk
A boy was found
Rustling wind sings
But days just count

Night was dark
when I was drown
Light shines lark
in the land way down

Bless, I was saved
by the local crowd
Curse, memories lost
like upside down

Try to tell myself
who are thou
Frustrate to self
just scream it loud

Three years past
since age of twelve
time just last
like days in hell

Save the pun
and wait for yea'
And thus run
the story of Kehr